Wow.
So I STUPIDLY watched MTV’s 2 hour (which was obviously highly necessary in order to close in on ever gelled strand of Guido hair) premiere of Jersey Shore last night.
I just REALLY wanted to mentally compare the Gaudy Guidos to the Jacks of Surrey and was almost expecting to see a few cameos in the douchetastic “reality” show.
This ONE episode was like every greasy ass dude on Tool Academy AND every ex stripper famewhore on Rock of Love rolled and baked to an intensity of golden brown that NOT even Lindsay Lohan’s mom can outdo.
There were bit*hes with their fake titt*ys hangin out loud and proud, pierced genitals, fights rivaling fiends fighting over crack rocks, and enough Oompa Loompa oiled skin to make even the colour orange melt in jealousy.
Kinda sounds like my LAST Vegas trip.
After RAPIDLY blinking a total of 49.5 minutes in awe I felt quite awkward.
Me, with my light brown skin and pale torso are ashamed.
I have already made APPOINTMENTS at Island Tan, Adrenaline, and I’ve been drinking Captain Morgans out of a paper bag for the past 30 minutes.
Must.Not.Succumb.To.Tacky.TShirts.
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